Parties Having Parties

Now that the Olympics are over and we have two weeks before real sports (i.e. football) starts the leaders of our country determined that citizens were in great danger of not having anything exciting to watch on television. Not being talented enough to create a good mini-series, and not interesting enough for Reality TV, they decided to hold political conventions. Yes, sadly, this is the best they could come up with.

You might ask why you should be glued to your TV set to watch the conventions. The answer is, you shouldn’t, because nothing important ever happens at conventions. No decisions are made. Everything is scripted, from alliteration to applause, from nuance to neckties. Neither candidate is going to say anything new. There are no policy shifts forthcoming. It is all a fait accompli. Yet on we watch, expecting that, what, someone might catch Barrack Obama making out with Hillary behind the curtain?

So why are Republicans and Democrats alike wasting countless millions just to throw a party? Well, first of all, it’s a cash machine. Taxpayers pony up the first $16.4 million to each party (doesn’t that stick in your craw a bit?). Further, each party sells virtually unregulated sponsorships to big business to the tune of over $100 million total. Yep, this is a big money venture—a fundraiser.

And of course, the second reason is the media, with over 15,000 members of the press covering each convention, taking careful notes, writing meaningless political drivel and passing on the most banal of broadcast commentary. Fortunately, even though these titans of journalism are mostly bloated and hungover from the free food and drink, reporting on the convention is a fairly easy process. (Hints: Obama is for change and McCain will indirectly suggest that Democrats are fighting a jihad led by a closet Muslim terrorist.) Besides the party hacks, the entire events are dominated by corporate sponsor suck-ups and disinterested journalists. As some clever pundit said: “The parasites have become the host.”

Yes, it’s a sad and broken system. It’s a tragedy is that one of these two parties gets to have a president. But even worse, there’s nothing else good on TV.