No Debate

Suppose I had a job interview that went like this:

So Bill, what were your regrets at ClearPlay?

You know, there are always regrets. But you should have seen me at Pizza Hut. We did some great promotions ... Meatlovers Pizza, Cheeselovers Pizza, even a tie in with the Back to the Future movies. Everyone loves pizza. And I don't regret that a bit.

Why did you leave ClearPlay?

We all leave eventually, don't we? But during my tenure we got national distribution in Target and Best Buy, passed an act of Congress and doubled sales every year. You might be interested in my philosophy of managing people. Inspire them to do great things. I know it may sound corny, but (sniff, sniff) I believe in people.

What skills do you bring to the party?

You know, when I was a kid, we used to have birthday parties in my back yard. My mom would bake the cake from scratch. We'd reuse the candles until they were worn out. She grew up on a farm, and her brother Edwin had a crewcut. He married a woman whose cousin used to shoot pool down at Louie's. One time I met a guy named Louie while we were eating pie at a neighborhood diner. He asked me what I thought about the future. I'm sure he made less than a hundred thousand dollars a year. That's why I'm the right guy for this job.

How does your experience relate to this position?

I'm glad you asked me that. My experience will help me a lot, and when I get the job, you'll see that. I will increase revenue and lower costs. The stock price will skyrocket and morale will be really high. That's what this company needs and that's what I stand for. From what I know about the other candidates, they're against all of those things.

Uh, thanks. Do you have any questions for me?

I have a lot of questions. But the good news is, I have even more answers. I can promise you this--I'll have an answer to your marketing questions. I'll have an answer for your finance questions. And I'll even have an answer to your operations questions. If there's one thing I will bring to this position, it's answers. No question about that.

So, do you think I'd get the job?

My old boss David Novak used to say: "When it's great there's no debate." Well, no debate about that.