Benefit of the Doubt

For some time I've been mulling over a previously overlooked principle of success in relationships--the benefit of the doubt. (How I can live 50 years and miss so many obvious things continues to amaze me.) It's quite simple, really--instead of mentally accusing (and trying, and condemning) someone for the evil intent of their actions, give them the benefit of the doubt. It's really the psychological polar opposite of paranoia, and I have come to the conclusion that for many of us, this is a big, big deal, both for the success of our relationships and for our personal happiness.

Countless times something has happened that annoyed me, and I assume my wife/child/colleague/acquaintance/service provider was acting with malicious intent. So my mind stews and it swirls and it froths and it foams and I can't wait to return serve, often a volley of accusation and insinuation, leading to a flurry of points and counterpoints, the outcome of which is anything but love-love.

I was intrigued by a recent Fortune article on Indra Nooyi, Chairman and CEO of PepsiCo (and the most powerful woman in business), who talked about the same principle as a key to her success, although she phrased it better and more positively: "Assume the best about people," I think were her words.

Maybe sometimes I have been correct in my dark assumptions, but just as often I've been wrong, which is a suspect interpersonal equation. It's such a simple thing, and yet I find myself applying it almost every day, and when I get it right I have a much sunnier outlook on life and my relationships are better. I'm certainly not cured. But like the alcoholic, it's one day at a time.