For People Who Talk

We often underestimate the importance of our words. Many people will rationalize their words with the explanation that they weren’t intended to be mean (or nasty, disrespectful, critical, etc.) but they were misinterpreted. The fact is, we are continually judged based on what others hear us say. If we’re misinterpreted, it’s our problem. Others can’t read our minds. And besides, almost every time I’ve heard these rationalizations, it occurs to me that they are exactly that—feeble attempts to logically justify poor judgment or thoughtless behavior.

Beyond their preeminent importance as a communication tool, words can be used to shape how we feel and think, to drive the subconscious in directions we would like it to go. It's not what goes in, but what comes out of the mouth that defiles us.

So here are my Ten Principles for People Who Talk, for your consideration:

1. Think before you speak. If I mastered this one principle, I would silence a fourth of my words and change another fourth.

2. The less “I’s” the better. So many of us want to talk about ourselves, not recognizing that the listener is politely bored. How about a few questions?

3. Quit complaining. Complaints are the static in life's radio. Everyone wants to change the channel.

4. Quit making excuses. Your friends don't need them and the rest won't believe them.

5. Don’t criticize. Didn't your mama teach you that if you don't have anything nice to say about someone ...?

6. Graciously give and receive compliments. This takes surprisingly little practice to master. Mainly sincerity. And if you don't immediately see something worth complimenting, look more closely.

7. Resist the urge to correct. Most egregious is that you might be wrong. But really, is it that important? Probably not.

8. Be an active listener. Don't do this to feign interest. Do it to enhance understanding and appreciation.

9. Be honest. It's easier, and usually more fun. And it's one less thing to worry about.

10. Overcome the desire to win. It's always a hollow victory. And in the same vein, only play "I can beat that" at frat parties.

11. Never pretend to know more than you do. 'Cause you don't, OK?

12. Remind yourself to Shut Up! Much better than waiting for someone else to remind you.